Blood Maladies

Limited-run CD-R : June 2003
The Beechfields

OUT OF PRINT

CREDITS

Recorded: May 2003, Powers Street house, Baltimore
Musicians: Austin Stahl

Details: This album was written and recorded by Austin at home, start to finish, in two weeks (May 5 to May 18, 2003). It was made as a sort of experiment: an exercise in efficient recordmaking (in contrast to the then-recently-completed Pious Friends album, which had taken eight months to make). The result is a stripped-down, solo acoustic country/folk document that's all about first-take spontaneity. Included are four cover songs (of Bob Dylan, Bruce Springsteen, Lucinda Williams, and Stone Roses songs), two reworked versions of old songs, and seven all-new songs written during that two-week period. Also included are 2 rare "bonus tracks": a demo of a previously released song, and a version of the first song Austin ever wrote.

This album was given out free to past supporters of Private Eleanor's music, as a token of gratitude. About 50 of them were made. They are now gone.

LYRICS

Written by Austin Stahl, ©2003.

1 Another sad song. There was a time, not long ago, I would hear whispers telling me they'd like me to know that I might have found myself a right that could never go wrong. And I dared to think that I'd never sing another sad song. See, mine is a summer love, in its second spring, but I'm starting to feel the chill of fall closing in. When we swore that we'd never die, we forgot about fading away, and I fear before long I'll be sitting alone, choosing which sad words to say. Yeah I heard whispers, I heard voices and bells, but all I hear now's that old sound of regret that used to fit me so well. I'd grown accustomed to singing all those happy tunes, taking for granted that's all I would ever do. I knew exactly what we'd got long before it was gone, but now I find it's finally time for another sad song. I hear nothing but the beat of my heart. It sounds so much different now, now that it's been torn apart. So if you need to find me, you know where I will be: sitting here trying to write out all of my misery. I know my voice alone can't bring back a feeling so strong, but I've still got to try to change her mind with another sad song.

2 A way to pass the time. Forget what I said last night. Let me give it another try. When you're not around I don't think right. We could both use a way to pass the time. Okay? When you coming over tonight? Let's just get in your car and drive. Leave the streets of this city behind, with the moon as our only light. Okay?

4 For your own protection. If you need an explanation, I might have to let you down. If I don't hold my tongue on my own, you may find me gagged and bound. I am just a little boy making pictures with my hands, and in the shadows you may find my only message is that I don't understand. And it seems the game is different now but the rules are still the same. You can show me any given something but you cannot speak its name. They say, "Listen to me close, I'll tell you all you need to hear. Trust me, we know what's best for you. These days we must be careful or we might offend your ears. Most times a silent smile will do." So you say you want expression. Honey, please, just look around. Can't you see this is no time for raising questions, it's a time to stand our ground. I don't have an easy answer, but we can all pretend I do. Just try not to think and always keep your mouth shut and I'm sure we'll all pull through. So I'm filling up my hollow head with all the things I might have said. I don't even recognize the voice I'm hearing now. Maybe it's just you, talking through my mouth.

5 Give me a sound to make me feel. This life is lonely and this body's built to fail. So while you're young, why not put your image up for sale? You won't make records, you'll make deals. Imitation's the sincerest path to fame. You're not playing if you're not playing the game. I need to hear something that's real. I need a sound to make me feel. No one's listening, they're just looking to be seen. No one's thinking, no one's moving, no one's being. That wouldn't fit the scene's ideals. Give me a sound to make me feel.

6 I worry. I wake up in the middle of the night and I worry about you. I get up and I turn off the light and I worry about you. And I reach out my arms to hold you, make sure you're still there. I can feel you breathing. I wake up in the middle of the night and I worry about you. I turn over and hold you tight and I worry about you. Everything in my life's so right that something's bound to go wrong. I never know if you'll stop breathing.

7 Land of the free. What a lovely speech. You sure know how to turn a nation on. Victory will be in reach, if all of us just smile and go along. And we'll watch them rip apart all the words we know by heart, and everything that we're supposed to be. I do appreciate these shackles and these chains. I guess that's what it takes to keep us free. And if they're the ones to trust, let's spy on each other and don't pick up the phone. They want everything we stand for gone, and I'm not going to fall for that one. I hope I'm not alone as we watch them rip apart all the words we know by heart, and everything that we're supposed to be. I do appreciate these shackles and these chains. I guess that's what it takes to keep us free. We're just property of the land of the free.

10 Song to a new face. Be careful please. Love is a disease. Your germ could burrow deep, through my veins to every part of me, with each heartbeat. I fear that these blood maladies are killing me.

12 There you go again. There you go again, saying you're scared that I'm leaving you alone. And I tell you not to worry, but I guess you heard me wrong, 'cause there you go again. You doubt my love. You can't believe my love. And nothing I could say to you would ever be enough. Tomorrow we'll go to the park. We can stay out past dark. And I'll push you on the swings, and I promise I'll catch you when you swing back to me, no matter how high you go. There's moonlight through your window as you're getting into bed, and you can dream about the future with two kisses on your sleeping head, and when the sunlight fills your room, you'll wake to find there's nothing left. But there you go again.

13 Wanted. Hey kid, hold on tight. Wish you could see yourself tonight. You got everything you wanted. Dreams ain't so far. You've found love and a place you can play your guitar. You found everything you wanted. Still I write these songs. I felt so alone for so long, that I can't see I got everything I wanted.